Once Thanksgiving comes to an end, Christmas immediately rolls around.
Christmas is a cheerful time of year typically spent with family and friends.
Families have all kinds of Christmas traditions such as Christmas tree shopping and decorating, hanging up lights and putting up decorations inside and outside, attending a Christmas tree lighting ceremony, baking cookies, sending Christmas cards, shopping for gifts, and wrapping gifts.
Families attend church together on Christmas Eve and have Christmas Eve dinner and/or Christmas Day dinner.
My Mom and Dad and I go to my Poppy’s house to visit with him, then my whole family on my Mom’s side gathers together on Christmas Eve at my Aunt’s house, and we all share a delicious meal, then my Aunt gives my nephews and my niece all of our gifts.
My Grandma and I then attend Christmas Eve church service together, and then I come home and venture to bed.
On Christmas morning, my Mom and I go over to my sister’s house to watch my nephews and my niece open their gifts, then we go home to unwrap mine.
While all of this fun chaos is happening, my dad stays home to cook up a delicious Christmas breakfast.
As much fun as the holidays are with my family, a piece of our hearts was lost back in November of 2020.
On Nov. 4, 2020, my Pap who is my mom’s stepdad, passed away due to lymphoma, a cancer that takes place in the lymphatic system.
My world was shattered, and I know that every member of my family can truthfully admit that too. My grandfather was the solid cornerstone of my family, and he would give anything or do anything for his family.
Thanksgiving was extremely hard that year. There was a lingering sadness in the atmosphere, but we all tried to focus on the positives and enjoy a delicious meal together.
The weeks leading up to Christmas were not the same.I was swarmed with a bombardment of grief that could not be shaken because I was the closest grandchild to my Pap.
I missed him dearly and I was just not in the Christmas spirit that year.
On Christmas Eve of 2020, my father got a call saying that his father had been lying on his kitchen floor for countless hours before we were about to go and visit him.
My dad spent all of Christmas Eve in the Intensive Care Unit, or the ICU, at the hospital. Around 3:00 on Christmas morning my Poppy had passed away, and the doctors determined his cause of death was a massive stroke.
Due to COVID-19, I was not able to see either of my grandfathers during their time in the hospital to say goodbye, and this was heartbreaking for me.
Christmas was even more saddening and lonely. My family continued all of our traditions, but it just was not the same that year.
Reflecting on this darker, mournful moment in my life, I have come to realize that there are so many people who grieve over the holidays. Without the rest of my support from my family, I do not think any of us would have gotten through it, but we had each other.
Not everyone who has lost a loved one has other people to lean on and be comforted during the mournful times.
The week of Dec. 2-8 is Greif Awareness Week, and this is a time dedicated to recognizing grief and comforting those who grieve during the holidays.
Some people become frustrated with themselves when they grieve. They may try not to acknowledge their hurt and loss or they simply may not have anyone to talk to during this time.
I have felt this darker grasp over the holiday season and it is still hard sometimes to celebrate the holidays without missing my grandfathers, but I know they are always with me.
Grief does not change over a night, days, weeks, months, or maybe even a year, and that is okay! You are allowed to feel your feelings, and you are allowed to be saddened, and to accept those feelings!
What you have to be careful of, however, is to make sure the grief does not overtake your whole life.
Something that has worked for me in the past and present when grief does tend to grasp a larger hold over me is to think and talk about the happy memories I spent with my loved ones. Keeping the memories alive of those you love is sometimes the best way to help someone who is dealing with grief.
It also may be hard to keep your Christmas traditions actively going after the loss of a loved one, but I promise you that it is worth it!
My Pap loved our Christmas cookies and our family dinners, and I know that he would not want us to discontinue them on account of his loss. Our loved ones, as hard as it is to believe, want us to stick together with our families instead of falling apart.
So as the Christmas season creeps into full swing, I encourage you to stick close to your families, make memories that will last a lifetime, and continue your traditions! Talk about happy memories of those you lost, and it is ok to laugh and cry!
On the harder days during the holiday season, I encourage you to lean on your other family members to help each other get through those difficult times.
For those who have friends or family members who have lost someone dear to them, take the time to listen, care, comfort, and support them through their darker, sadder moments. For those of you who feel alone, darkened by grief, and feel like you have no one out there to talk about your pain, I am here and I understand your pain.
I promise you that you are never alone in your moments of pain and grief.
I promise you that the holidays will become easier and there will always be someone in your corner who you can turn to in moments of hardship and sadness, and they will listen to you, love, and comfort you.
Featured photo (at top): Junior Raigan Fredericks is a junior and Print Editor-in-Chief of The Arrowhead. Her column, “Real Talk with Raigan” focuses on students’ mental health.
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